LOREDANA BRIGANDI' | Benjamin, I love you with all my heart and will never give up on you! all my love, Dad
Dear Loredana,
Please tell Benjamin how much I love him and how much I think of him. So often I dream about him;
how we used to play together in the yard at home and in the park. Teaching him how to ride the bicycle was
one of the many unforgettable experiences of my life and that was only a small fraction of all the beautiful
experiences we shared over the years. He was such a vital part of my
life and now I cannot even speak with him on the phone, let alone see him. I feel I have lost such a major part of me and that
my life is not worth living without him.
Whenever I call I always
get the answering machine. Do you even let him hear the messages I've left for him this year? Fortunately, I used to be able to speak with him on the phone, but after this past trip to Italy, you have stopped that again. I have written him many letters and want you to know that I have saved a copy here with
me so I can give them to him when he is old enough. Every morning I kiss his
photo and greet him a good morning and every night I give him a goodnight kiss. Do you tell him how
much I love and miss him? Judging from you actions this past year it appears you haven't. I recently made a trip
to Italy to see him but you did everything possible to stop me while I was there. You kept calling the police
whenever I tried to see him, despite the fact that the court paper says I can whenever I would like to. How can you not
realize the harm you are doing to our son by creating all this unneeded stress in his life. How can you not realize that sooner
or later he will be angry that so much had been done to separate him from his father? It would seem there is bitterness there because you were unable to admit that you
have bipolar disorder and this went untreated throughout our years together.
After many years of trying to stay with you, I had
to leave for a short period for my own sanity and because of your actions I was not able to return. When
a couple separates they must make every attempt to maintain the relationship the other parent has with the child for
the longterm benefit of the child. It appear you have done just the opposite this past year. Do you remember how I used to take care of you during your periods of depression every year?
For weeks you would stay in bed wanting only to go to heaven to be with loved ones no longer with us. I used
to try to cheer you up, reassure you, cook for you, show my love for you but because of the depression you were not able to
get up and care for Ben or lead a normal life. I tried for years to stay with you but your untreated bipolar depression made
it impossible for me. I finally had to leave after 6 years. I had always intended to go back to Italy after a few
months but you had made it impossible for me to return. Now I will try again in a few months to attempt again to be close
to Ben. The last time a stayed for a few weeks, sleeping in a hotel and was not able so speak with him. This time I will stay for a much longer time and if all goes well it will be permanently. I hope so much to be able to reconnect with our son; it is the greatest desire of my life. I know you fear that I may want to take him away because I know of your condition, but I assure you it is not what I want to do. I only want to be able to
see him, talk with him, reassure him how much I love him and have missed him. I want to be a part of his life. I want to be his father again, just I have always been. I know in my heart how much
he misses me despite the amount of effort put forth by you to try to change that. I truly believe that it is fine if he wants to stay in Italy and can certainly understand that. It is all he knows and I would not dream of changing that. I only want him to be happy and I know he is happy in Italy. All his friends are there. Since he enjoys his
grandmother, why can he spend a few weeks in America each year? I can see how much he enjoyed it in the summer of 2007. I know being in America makes you very upset and anxious but please try to
think of our son. It would be a great experience for him to be here for a short time each year. How many children have that opportunity? Please Loredana, please try to put his needs before your fears. You have nothing to fear; I only want
to be close to our son again.
It was quite evident during this past trip that you have succeeded in making our son fearful of staying in contact with me; a fear of making you angry or displeased. Your fear of losing Ben seems to have clouded your judgment; you may feel you are protecting our son but you are only harming him. You know very well that
I was a great dad for Ben the first 5 1/2 years I was with him. You had always mentioned how I was such a good Dad for him;
do you rememember? I know you have probably taken down any picture of Ben and I together at the house as part of your plan, but
I want you to know that I have many pictures of you and Ben at the house here in America. If the tables were turned I know
in my heart I would have done everything possible to try to maintain your relationship with Ben. You obviously have
not done this. I have had only good things to say about you when I've left messages for him on your answering machine.
Getting new photos of Ben would be so, so
wonderful but you won't even do that. Are you so bitter that you cannot even
send me photos of our son? I've asked you so many times but have not received any. When a husband and wife separate, they must try their best to not put
their child in the middle of things and you have failed to do that. If you truly loved him you would not have done that to him and he would not be in the current state he is in now.
You know very well a 6 year old child is not capable of making such an important decision about a parent; it was up to you
to help him; reassure him, since you did not allow me to do what I could. I could do nothing because you have from the beginning, attempted and often succeeded in severing any ties we had. I cannot believe the number of times you called the police
during my last trip to Italy. I could see how sad and upset you made him because of your extremely agitated overreaction to my calm attempt to see him.
Please, you must tell him how much I love and think of him. I have done all I can but you continued
to interrupt any attempt by me to see our son. A good hearted person does not behave in this manner.
Please do it for the sake of our son.
Wayne
